AITA for not punishing my son after he came up with a pretty elaborate plan to “peep” on the neighbor girl topless in her back yard?

Lots and lots of ugly background here but I'll try not to wander. My wife I have been separated for 2 years, ink to paper on an ugly and contentious divorce in May. I have primary custody of our two kids (daughter 17 and son 14) and live in the home which we've owned for 20 years.

On Monday I came home to find my son and two of his friends up on the roof to our little sun deck. I asked him what he was doing and if he was being safe. They said they were playing army and since I've coached the other two kids in mountain biking for almost 6 years now, I knew their parents wouldn't mind either. So I told him to put the ladder away when he was done and to keep his phone on in case I needed him to come down. I was actually most perturbed because he didn't put the ladder away. So they did this every day this week until Thursday when my daughter came home from her CIT job and in her every so sweet and acerbic tone asked me if I was really so stupid to think my son and friends were playing Army and let me know that the real reason is that our 22 year old neighbor was in her back yard topless and Aiden had set up a perch on the sun deck to get a better view. I climbed up thinking that she was just trying to get him in trouble but sure enough, the deck had perfect view of the chaise lounge where I assume the girl had usually sat. I told my son to knock it off and he said he would.

This morning I got an angry knock on the door and it was my ex wife and the neighbor (they have been friends for many years) apparently the neighbor called my wife sometime mid week and they had agreed they would "confront" me and my son Saturday morning. We sat down and it went from a calm "this is something we're concerned about" to accusations of me being an irresponsible absentee parent and my son leading an "adolescent sex ring" in a matter of seconds. I tried to remain calm and explain that they are just acting like 14 year old boys and I've gotten them to stop. My wife asked if I planned on punishing him, I said that I don't feel like he did anything punishment worthy and rather this was a learning experience about respecting peoples privacy. My neighbor said that if he were her son he'd be in intensive psycho therapy and medicated. I told her that was really overkill. My wife told me not to talk to her friend like that and I asked them to leave before it got any more nuts. My wife has texted me that I am being incredibly irresponsible and if I don't do "something" she's going to her lawyer to revisit the custody arrangement. In all of that she called me an asshole several times and said it was more miserable being divorced from me than it was to be married to me. yay weekend!

I guess that's about it…but am I the asshole for how I'm handling the issue with my son?

submitted by /u/throwawaynyui to r/AmItheAsshole
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