The reaction to my original post put an uncomfortable amount of pressure on me to write this update.
I am not sure if it's what's you want to hear, but things are more or less back to a "normal" state, if you consider other events.
Unfortunately, my grandpa died at the beginning of this week, and I am still processing it.
I did manage to talk with both my mom and dad, and I know where I now stand in relation with them, as well as my siblings.
I am not sure I would have had the courage to say what I had to say if not for the amount of help and advice in the comments.
I think it is safe to say both my parents love me, and what happened two weeks ago was an overreaction to a fight between my parents. It makes me uncomfortable knowing I am not aware of my own environment, but a stranger in the comments can tell me what's happening in my life with only a few lines of text from my side. A lot of comments were spot on about what is happening in my life.
I have so far went through 40% (I estimate) of the comments, but I have given up, there are too many for me to keep up with.
The conclusion is that I am definitely going to college, it will be the college I have always wanted to go to, and I will have the same experience as my siblings. The money to pay for all this already exists, my family is not going bankrupt as suggested, my dad just had a mental breakup with all the issues around my grandpa and his fight with my mom.
Even if my dad would have went through with his decision, my grandma let me know my grandpa left me and my siblings a sum we will have to split between the three of us, but enough to put me through college.
What started the entire scandal was poor timing on my part, my parents just had a fight, and then I showed up "hey, pay for my college".
My parents were talking about us, their children, and mom said something to the lines of "to think you wanted to split up when I came back pregnant", or something like that, I was not there, this is what she told me. I guess dad was talking how proud he was of his children, and mom wanted to express her "gratitude" for dad raising me as his own, and dad took it as "the affair was the best decision I ever made" or something like that. And their fight escalated from there, and mom told dad something like "what makes you think any of them are yours".
Yeah, it went downhill from there fast. Shortly after that my dumb face showed up, and here I am.
Dad and mom have since made up, mom is still a mess, dad is not handling my grandpa's passing away too well either.
I did talk with my siblings, and my sister raised a storm and rode it here while blasting my parents on the phone, ha ha. My brother was calmer, but made his feelings known in no uncertain terms as well once he got back home.
My grandpa passing away sort of kept spirits calm, I guess, and shifted the focus to dealing with that.
Reading the comments was a mind opening experience. I felt unprepared for the world out there. Many have asked how I had no idea how to apply for loans or grants. Well, in my defense, when you go year after year after year knowing you have nothing to worry about, that your college as good as paid for already, you don't really have to worry about anything else. Of course I knew there are loans and other things students have to be aware of, but it didn't apply to me.
I went from "I am going to college, can't wait" to "you're not my son and I will not pay for your college" in less than 24 hours.
Others have been prepared for this, at the very least they knew they had to get a loan, or get a job, look for a place to live, and so on. For me it was a sudden change in reality.
Going through the comments I managed to put a list together with various "tips and tricks", what jobs are available for students, how to find a place to live, how to get a credit card, a bank account, a cell phone plan, and so on. Really good stuff that I think, even after the return to normal, will help me.
My parents have been called more names then they go by, and that was uncomfortable to read, and I haven't even read all comments. I can't even imagine what else lies in the comments, waiting.
Dad is very sorry, apologetic, about his reaction and behavior. I understand his reaction, but I still feel hurt by it. I understand he was not in the best place of mind, but I can't control my feelings either. We will be alright, and this hasn't irreparably damaged our relationship.
Mom hasn't handled everything that well. But she is coming around, and she answered some more questions for me.
When mom had an affair years ago, and got pregnant with me, my parents started divorce. Mom moved in with the man she had the affair with, but after a few months that guy decided he wants nothing to do with it. He kicked mom out, and she had nowhere to go. So my grandparents took her in, because she was still the mother of their
nephews grand kids (I am getting a lot of heat for this "mistake", but know in my family's culture, grandparents call their grand kids nephews as well). Mom and dad got back together, after a lot of work, dad took me as his own, and that's my life since then.
The man who is my natural father is not in the picture any more. Dad didn't really know who he is, and mom hasn't heard or seen him ever since. He was fully aware mom was pregnant with his child, I guess he had more important things to do. But it doesn't sound like he was about to cure world hunger, she met him in a bar, not at a fund raiser.
And I don't feel a need to know any more about who he is. I thought about the matter the last two weeks, since I've been aware of everything, and haven't really felt a desire to know who he is, where he is, if he is still alive, if I have other siblings out there.
I was suggested to go and buy a DNA kit from 23andme, maybe I can find him that way, but I think I will avoid doing this specifically so I don't find him or he finds me. As far as I care, I have a mom and dad and a brother and a sister, and that's my family.
Moving forward I do plan of getting a job, and becoming more independent, but not in an attempt to distance myself from my family, but to feel like I would not be lost in the world if my family suddenly disappears.
My mom admits I've been babied way more than my siblings, and that they should have prepared me more for what's coming next.
I did learn where I stand with my family, and it's safe to say that I am loved, and I have options. I thought I am isolated, but my world is wider than I thought. Grandparents, siblings, my aunt, my cousins, all have my back.
I think my parents are human, and they make mistakes, and even though this was not their greatest moment, I think I will look at everything as nothing more than a weak moment in an otherwise wonderful relationship.
Edit: in my family's cultural background, grandparents call their grand kids nephews as well. Stop calling me names, it was not a mistake, please.